When looking for a doula, you will generally hear about "educational, emotional, and physical support". But what does that mean? Rarely will you hear about everything a doula can be for a family or how sacred this work can be. Here are some little and big ways a doula can impact your experience of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum: the huge transition into parenthood.
A doula - someone to:
talk about the ideal birth setting with, as well as all the scenarios that could unfold in the birth process. To go over what can be done to create a feeling of safety and comfort during your labour and what that looks like for you.
help figure out the fears and worries you may have, what deep rooted beliefs you have about yourself, birth, family, care providers and hospitals, medicine, and your inner intuition
ask at times challenging questions that get you to think about how you will navigate early postpartum and new parenthood, to come up with a plan together
reassure your partner, mom, sister, aunt or friend about their role in your birth, how amazing it will be to have their support, and how they can help in such significant ways without having all the answers
help you create and uphold necessary boundaries
help decipher and simplify the millions of options of all the things you "must have for your baby"
get you inspired about all the things that could be a part of your birth experience, whether it be the most zen like environment or a heavy metal soundtrack
Having a doula on your team means having someone who can:
validate how absolutely exhausting and challenging those last weeks of pregnancy can be, how normal yet anxiety inducing it can be to go past your due date
sit and talk with you as the waves of labour begin, and help you navigate this threshold in a way that feels right to you
join you quietly and calmly, to move slow so you too can relax into the process
offer gentle suggestions and encourage you to trust your baby and body, to step into your power while feeling held
make sure everyone is drinking, eating, resting and the support team is switching off for breaks in a long labour
help you navigate decisions that feel at times complex or nearly impossible to make
help drive your mom home in the middle of the night as you rest with an epidural, so she too can get some rest
squeeze your hips, distract you during an IV placement, help with vomit and all the other less glamorous aspects of labour and be completely non phased
help the older sibling feel okay during the birth or be with you as your partner attends to the older kids
hold you during the wildest contractions of your life, as your body takes over and everything feels new and raw
A doula - someone who is happy to:
work as a team with the rest of the staff, gently ensure and remind of your wishes, be the firm but kind boundary help
remind you of all the ways your baby and body work together, in pregnancy, birth, and postpartum
cry with you and be SO proud of you as your baby is placed on your chest, whether it's been hours or days, whether they came through the birth canal or the belly
help initiate feeding and encourage milk supply or dry it up and navigate other forms of feeding, should that be your wish
come see you in those early days when everything feels like a blur
A doula - someone who:
carries "How will she remember this" in their heart as a motto for all interactions with the families they get to support (a motto given to us by the amazing Penny Simkin, read more about her here)
blends research and theory with real life and practical coping strategies, who functions both on logic and intuition
never takes for granted or assumes an individual experience to match someone else's even when the circumstances are similar
blends storytelling, experience, and out of the box thinking
who sits with you as you share the most vulnerable feelings and thoughts, and stays just as present if you don't feel safe to share them, who can read how you feel without all the details
someone who shows up. For you, for your kids, for your pet
makes you some food because it's 4 pm and you have been busy with baby and haven't eaten all day
holds your baby for hours so you can sleep, shower, eat, step out, but equally happily helps with other things if you'd like to be with your baby
helps with other big life transitions that can still happen during your pregnancy and postpartum, be it a move or a schedule or job change
connects you to more help as needed, and helps be that net during postpartum, a time that can feel like free fall
celebrates with you an experience you didn't think you could have, and grieves with you an experience that ended up being hard
A doula - someone who shows up:
a mix between a professional friend, mom, guide, and expert and leans into these roles slightly differently for each family
takes the time and makes the effort to learn from past experiences and look and re-look at biases they have developed
stays curious and knows that with each family they will absolutely learn something new
takes breaks and care of themselves so they can show up fully for others
carries the biggest joy and gratitude for being invited into such a scared and vulnerable time in your life
who will laugh with you about all the silly things along the way and share how flawed they are as a person, mom, and doula, so you too can feel more at ease
In my very first birth I did not have a doula at my side. For my second, I hired a team of two. It is possible to give birth without a doula, but from everything I've seen and experienced both as a doula and as a mom giving birth, I simply would never skip this support again. If you are seeking support and it feels out of reach, please reach out as there are always ways to help - whether it be having only prenatal education, having virtual support, payment plans 0r connecting you with a newer doula. We are happily here to help!
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